*~BlOgGiN' wHiTe TrAsH~*

I have a thousand subjects/experiences/opinions/thoughts I’m eager to put down here, which is why I created this blog anyway, but there’s so much I want to start with that the words get piled on top of each other again and again, burying my once simple, planned, brief subject of the moment.  So I sit here most nights trying to force my head clear and shake down the mess of wordy words into a manageable, neat blog post.  But now here I sit just blogging about the problem of…. blogging.

Maybe I should start with disclaimers.

I am not looking for any kind of sympathy.  I’m putting all this down and together here for pretty much the same reason as anyone else does; I want to believe I am being ‘heard’.  I want to feel a part of something and leave my little mark of my collection of wordy words.

I also feel the need to leave it said and done for something inside myself. Some things need to be said, told, set free and this is for now, the only way I can ’safely’ do that (without hurting anyone’s feelings, opening worm cans, hanging out dirty laundry, etc).

I’m not looking for praise, fame, advice, criticism, debate or much conversation at all.  I’m rather anti-social in these later days.  It’s strange, I used to be so incredibly social and gregarious.  I always wanted to write down my ‘memories’ or Life Story for my daughters, so maybe this is what this is, besides also being some type of therapy journal.

I turn 41 today.  It’s a bizarre concept for me.  Strange.  I see wrinkles and grey hair, my overweight body and feel my creaking bones & other changes of age (as in my aging experience is unique to me as in I got fat, lol) but I can’t see myself as ‘41′.  I don’t know what I actually see myself as… that’s also probably what I’m working on figuring out.

I will admit, I’ve had nothing but a MySpaz blog for the last 3 years and am unfortunately clueless to much of the workings, bells & whistles of an actual dedicated blog site like WordPress. I hope that anyone who is kind enough to stop in & read will understand and be patient with me.  I’m also pretty much a blundering mess when it comes to navigating and searching the help forums as well. I’ll figure it out soon, I hope ! I will admit I have a mild learning disorder that makes it difficult to grasp some types of written instruction, so I spend a lot of time with trial and error, fingers-on experimenting. Which is how I’ve come to learn a lot of things during my life.

Also, much of this (now that I’ve already put up all of my writing/poetry & such that I wanted to put up) will be journal/diary type or entries. The best therapy besides ‘retail therapy’ (shopping) that I’ve found is writing and although I have no delusions of becoming any kind of  ‘rich & famous blogger’ I decided to share my life publicly for probably the same reason most everyone else does, I just want to feel heard. That I’m not just existing in a vast, unfriendly, empty space and after I’m gone, something of who I was and how I thought will always be here.

Which now leads me to ending this as I’ve gotten off my original subject and lead into my next subject which would be something along the lines of things you should know about me (which may or may not help).

~L